02 03 Nerd Lunch: Cast Review: G.I. Joe 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

Cast Review: G.I. Joe

I had planned on doing a "Signing the Cast" for the live action G.I. Joe movie, but I didn't get it finished in time. They've already announced some names. And while that didn't stop me from doing the Star Trek version, I figured I'd go ahead and just run commentary on the actual cast and make my alternate suggestions that way.

And before I get into this, there's one thing to keep in mind. This will be directed by Stephen Sommers. So, he could have the best cast in the world and still botch this thing. Van Helsing with Hugh Jackman and Kate Beckinsale battling Dracula and the Wolfman should have been great. But Sommers found a way to mess it up.

Sienna Miller for a "baroness-type character"
Uh...no. Sienna Miller is not the Baroness. I guess there aren't any raven-haired actresses left in Hollywood. No wait, that's not true. Throw a pair of glasses on Emmanuelle Beart and you've got the Baroness. [See below.]

Ray Park as Snake Eyes
Snake Eyes doesn't talk and he does the martial arts. Ray Park is perfect.

Byung-Hun Lee as Storm Shadow
I don't know enough about him to really make a comment.

Rachel Nichols as Scarlett
Again, not sure why they didn't cast a redhead, but I'm okay with it. I've watched her on both The Inside and the final season of Alias* and I think she's great. She might be able to offset Stinky Sommers.

So, except for The Baroness, we're not in bad shape casting-wise so far. We probably need Duke, Cobra Commander, Destro, and a few colorful Joes like Roadblock and/or Shipwreck. Once we get some more names come back here and we'll discuss those, too.

Emmanuelle Beart with Photoshopped glasses

* When it comes to a live action G.I. Joe, it's actually already been done perfectly with the show Alias. It combined the sci-fi elements with ruthless terrorist organizations determined to rule the world. There were heroes with codenames and secret histories with one another. There was the side drama. There were the larger than life villains. And each week delivered a healthy does of action and martial arts. This was live action G.I. Joe and will probably not be topped by the actual live action G.I. Joe.

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