02 03 Nerd Lunch: NO JOE! 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33



Well, I'm out. Sure, I'll probably Netflix it, but after seeing the most recent pictures from the live action G.I. Joe movie, I've essentially had it confirmed for me that Stephen Sommers is indeed not making a G.I. Joe movie. It looks to be Doom II. Or Batman's Bat-Patrol. Or something that could be completely awesome (probably not), but is decidedly not G.I. Joe.

I vividly remember my birthday and Christmas of 1982. My birthday is in November and I was turning six that year. I got a teaser for what was to come in Christmas. I believe I received a Cobra guy or two, but I specifically remember getting the VAMP jeep with driver Clutch and an additional figure, Flash. At Christmas, I got several more figures and vehicles and a big Treasury edition version of G.I. Joe #1. These weren't just regular Army guys. They all had personality. Each one was unique. And there was this one guy in particular who stood out. He was wearing all black and his face was completely covered, just like the bad guys, but he was a good guy. And in the comic, he didn't speak. Such a mysterious character.

Snake Eyes would go on to be one of the most recognizable characters from the line and a fan favorite. In the comics, a story of his was the first comic I remember seeing that was a "silent" comic. That is, no word balloons in the entire issue. In the initial cartoon mini-series, Snake Eyes again showed his coolness when he took on almost the entirety of Cobra by himself and befriended a wolf a short while later. The new outfit with the visor added a nice bit of flair to the ensemble. The action figure that look inspired was a figure I long sought after and never obtained.

In the 80s, ninjas were a big deal to kids my age. Snake Eyes and additional Joe characters caught the wave and the ninja elements were a huge part of G.I. Joe in both the toys and comics. There was a line of "Ninja Force" action figures and the last few issues of the comic essentially promoted Snake Eyes to "lead character" and emphasized the ninja stuff more than the military stuff.

Of course, while this all happened, he consistently wore some iteration of the all-black outfit. Meanwhile, everyone else dressed the in camo or wetsuits or whatever. Snake Eyes was the only one who wore all black.

So, the new pictures from the live action movie come out and lo and behold, EVERYONE is wearing black. Well, Cover Girl is wearing the special G.I. Joe Urban Camo jammies, but the others have all black. So Snake Eyes looks just like EVERYONE ELSE!!!

I don't get it. It's not hard. G.I. Joe is not like super heroes where they have to wear form fitting outfits. They're wearing pants and shirts and stuff. Regular Army clothes. Maybe with a bit more color and variation from person to person, but stuff that you can buy at the local Army surplus store. Give me a couple hundred bucks and I could dress all of them (except Scarlett and Snake Eyes) to look more like their action figure counterparts than the filmmakers could.

And while I don't get the body armor, maybe there's some need for in the story. Still, why does everyone have to wear all black? Maybe Snake Eyes should wear bright green fatigues now. Seriously, would a little more color have killed them?

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