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Nerd Lunch Wives: Married to a Nerd

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Continuing on with our Nerd Lunch Wives series, we asked Mrs. Holley, wife of our podcasting partner Paxton Holley, if she would like to participate. She jumped at the chance. Here is her submission.



Someone recently asked me, “So, what is it like being married to a nerd?” Hmmm, interesting question! When I hear the word nerd, I imagine a weird guy with greasy hair and tape on the rim of his glasses who carries his pens in a pocket protector and snorts when he laughs. Were they asking me because they think Pax fits this description or is it because he likes Star Wars and Star Trek? Or maybe it is because he is a computer guy? To fully answer this let’s consider what a nerd truly is. According to Merriam-Webster, a nerd is defined as “an unstylish, unattractive or socially inept person; especially: one slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits.”

I had a friend in college who often told me that her boyfriend had a friend who was perfect for me. I was flattered and promptly told her to set us up! Her response was always the same, “you’re not ready yet.” What did that mean? Well, I think she meant that he wasn’t my type. I was attracted to the outgoing, fun party guys.

When Pax and I finally met, we totally hit it off! We discovered our mutual love of movies, movie trivia, and that we could finish each other’s random movie quotes. We also realized that we have the same varied taste in music and found the same things funny. He was also very witty; I love
when someone can verbally spar with me! Needless to say, we started dating, got engaged and then married. That was 10 years ago this past August.

I will say that when I first met my husband he had absolutely NO fashion sense! He loved (and I’m afraid still does) t-shirts with words on them. He had an amazing Star Wars collection that included a hideous bomber jacket with Darth Maul’s face on it. He owned 50 pairs of jeans and maybe 2 pairs of khakis. I’m proud to say that in our years together his t-shirt collection has shrunk while his polo shirt collection has grown. He’s also replaced his Darth Maul jacket with a grey pea coat, and he owns several more pairs of khakis. That being said, he’s pretty stylish now.

Even though beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, Pax is far from unattractive. He is a great looking guy. He has beautiful eyes and I love his hair and smile. Unattractive he is certainly not.

My husband is very reserved and can be shy at times. I am definitely the social butterfly in the relationship. He is also very thoughtful. For example, when he’s asked a question he thinks a really long time before he speaks. Deliberation is great when discussing social issues or politics, but when asked a simple question like, would you like a piece of gum? He’ll take 10 minutes to reply. Really?! It is just gum! I would have answered in 2.2 seconds flat, but then again, my husband never puts his foot in his mouth like I do. He is also capable of carrying on conversations outside of Star Wars or computers. As you can see he is not socially inept.

He is interested in computers, electronics, comic books, science fiction movies, and he is an avid reader. But I wouldn’t go as far as to say he is “slavishly devoted” to pursuing those interests.

I guess the word nerd encompasses many things. According to this definition, however, I do not think that my husband is a nerd. Sure he sometimes wears jeans to the opera (fist in air!) but at least he pairs them with a button-up shirt and more importantly, he accompanies me to said opera. Pax has given me an appreciation for many new things and I hope I have done the same for him. He is my best friend and a wonderful father. He doesn’t totally fit the Merriam-Webster’s description of nerd. But, if writing a blog, recording a weekly pod cast with other self-professed nerds, and dressing up as Captain Kirk for Halloween is nerdy, then I guess nerdy is just my type!

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